Roommates or in a Relationship? How to Keep the Spark Alive.


Ahh the dreaded conversation I have with my friends "I feel like we're more roommates than anything else". I get it. Being with the same person day in and day out for years inevitably leads to a sense of comfort and monotony. Sometimes the comfort is a good thing. My favorite part of being married is being able to relax and be 100% comfortable around my husband all the time. He loves me for me and I can be my authentic self around him. But comfortable can also = stale and boring…not good.

I still think it is imperative for both parties to always be working on the relationship, and as sister wives-esque as this may sound "courting" each other. I have personally seen many marriages of my friends crumble before my eyes because people get bored, have a wandering eye, or stop caring about themselves.  Sometimes I feel that if people put the effort into their marriage/relationship that they did when they first started dating and keep trying to impress the person then things would seem a little less roommate like and a lot more romance like.

This is not a slap in the face to feminism of oh i have to be subservient to my male partner. Umm no. I've been through ups and downs (lots of downs) in my 5.5 years of being married and Im just now figuring out the keys to break out of the roommate conundrum. These are what works for me, results not guaranteed. But hey if you just feel like a roommate to someone how much worse can trying these get right?

1. Looking Pretty. I feel more confident when I have makeup on, my hair is brushed/styled and I've showered. I try to always do what I can to feel pretty. Maybe its putting on perfume or curling my hair. I work really long days too and live for the weekends but I give myself a boost by adding some color to my face and I know my husband appreciates it when I take time to make sure I look good. Makeup for me takes 10 mins max and its amazing how far a little blush and eyeliner can go.

2. Dressing Presentable. I would live in sweatpants if I had the choice and I normally do. So if you go that route like I do you can still look put together and cute not sloppy. Just like wearing makeup I get confidence when I am dressed in clothes that fit my body and I know look good. Work with your body type and show off what you're most proud of in your clothes. I don't care how expensive your clothes are, when something fits and looks good that is high fashion. Don't let ill sized clothes ruin your self image. There are adorable outfits for women in size 00-20+ spend some time to find what flatters your figure. I also know that my husband likes when I dress up. So whenever I have the occasion I pull out my most killer outfits.

3 Date Night. This one is drilled over and over again but the simplicity of having a date is so important. Remember how you felt on your first date? Nervous, excited and probably looking amazing! Don't let that slip. Treat dates as a way to respire the romance again. It doesn't have to be an expensive dinner either. Do something fun that you both enjoy, movies, wine tastings, making cookies at home, renting a movie at home, couples massages. Just break the monotony of everyday life and spend time together doing something pleasurable.

4. Speak Kindly. Its easy to take advantage of people we love. They are the ones who always forgive us and are there no matter what. Instead of being the bitchy, whiney wife I started talking to my husband like a good friend of mine. I wouldn't yell at, embarrass or talk anything but kindly and sweetly to a good friend and my husband deserves that too. Well most of the time at least unless he's left me an extremely messy house to clean up when he goes to work ;)

5. Have a Life. Make sure you are feeling fulfilled in your life outside of your partner. Relying on them for 100% of your happiness, plans and decisions in life is setting up for failure. If theres a class you wanted to take, a language you wanted to learn, a group you want to join do it. People who are out there living and enjoying life are more fun and more attractive.

6. Showing Affection. Even just a simple touch on the shoulder when you walk by someone, a hug, a kiss brings you closer physically. Touch is so important. Hold hands.

So these are just a few things I have been doing and our relationship has never been better. It is far, far from perfect but I am just happier with him, myself and my life as a result.

Anything I missed? What do you think?

Number 6 baby!


  1. You have some great points! Thanks for the words of wisdom :-)

  2. What a great, well thought-out post, Kelly. Relationships definitely take work and nurturing to keep them alive and thriving and it sounds like you've got a good grasp on what works for the two of you. :) I'd love to see a guest post from your hubby some time to see what his POV is on this!
    On the Daily Express

  3. Oh! I like Gina's suggestion!
    It definitely takes effort, and I know that you basically get in return as much effort as you put in! All great points!

  4. Great list! I also think remember to compliment each other is always nice! Words of affirmation :)