Viva Las Vegas...and how to embarrass yourself in front oftheBackstreet Boys

3.13.2017


Ok so this basically sums up my entire Vegas trip:


Apparently I forgot that I am now 32 with a toddler at home who hasn't slept in his entire 21 month existence. But hey, a quick weekend away from him to tag along for a medical conference with the DrH is a way to prove I still got it right??

Even though my blog has been super neglected lately I have had a chance to meet some really fun new friends though it. One of them (Bre) happens to live in Vegas (that lucky girl). I had met her 3 years ago through the blog and we met in person last time I was out there. Her husband is a physician as well and its so cool to meet people and just have that connection with a stranger.

Serendipitously the Backstreet Boys are doing a residency in Vegas when I was out there! I have been a BSB fan since 1995. Always an A.J. girl what can I say Im a sucker for bad boys.  Im not even going to count the years I've been a crazed fan and make myself feel old, but BSB for life baby! I met them once before before a concert in NYC so we signed up for the Vegas meet and greet. Because when you are in Vegas the same time as your pre-teen, teen, twenties and thirties crush thats what you do.

The whole time we were waiting in line I was getting oddly nervous despite downing a few pre-game cocktails at the Plaent Hollywood bar. There were a lot of interesting characters, outfits and outbursts from the girls in line. One girl in front of us asked security if she would be kicked out if she licked their face. This was after flashing the photobooth about an hour earlier. Thats one way to rock your confidence I suppose...

So I kept telling Bre we needed to just keep it cool and not fangirl and freak out. After all we aren't teenagers anymore right? Right?!

A vodka Redbull was no match for BSB nerves . Bre bought some new shoes in the mall right before the show because he feet were killing her lol.
So the time finally comes like 3 hours after waiting in line and they are all there and turning to look at and hug us. Cue teenage Kelly. I was so nervous I scanned the lineup of men and  all I could think to say is "I need to stand next to someone tall". Nick kind of gave me a confused, weird look and A.J. responded "Well, I'm not tall so...." Ok so in reality only Nick and Kevin are taller than me so maybe it was a valid request? I don't know?

In 30 seconds it was all over and I was left with this awesome picture and wishing I could have a round 2 and actually keep my composure this time. Hey it could have been worse, I'm sure they have seen and heard it all right? Did I mention the lick his face girl??

BSB plus Bre and Me
Joey Fatone playing the bachelor and getting alllll the roses

Oh and Joey Fatone from NSync and Trevor Penick from O-Town were in the audience that night too. It was like a boy band liquid dream-hope you get the reference gosh thats bad.

The rest of the trip was fun, the Cosmo is a gorgeous hotel with the best milkshakes in the world at Holsteins check this baby out!

I ate this myself yay carbs

This was in our room. The suites here are something else!
I need to see this in the real Paris next time

Our room main floor
Our room top floor
Private hot tub was so cool (hot?)
Now we came back to reality where it is 20 degrees out and my toddler still isn't sleeping. I am desperately wanting to plan a trip back to Vegas this summer before time is up and see the show again. 20 some years later backstreets back alright and still got it!

What are your favorite Vegas memories or must sees?

The Doctor is Out. Managing Resentment as a Medical Wife.

11.21.2016

Our son when he was just a few months old. All the doctor none of the drama!

I recently received an email from a new friend asking how I was able to make it through med school, residency, fellowship and now attending life without harboring resentment and staying supportive. I laughed. I have not always been a doting superwife and mom. We argue, we ignore each other, we avoid the conversation. But we also love each other and have somehow managed to only get stronger year after year despite the hours, the patient complications, the late nights and the absence on the holidays.

The short answer is I haven't always and I still don't know how we get through every day. The longer answer I broke down into a few parts that have worked for us over the past 10 years. Here are some of the things I remind myself of when I start to get that bitter feeling creeping in:

1. Keeping busy. I was in grad school during his training and worked full time. I found that was helpful to kind of throw myself into that as well as working to keep busy. Over time that transitions to other hobbies/jobs/kids/things to do as well and evolves. The biggest thing I found to keep my sanity is really living my best life and chasing after my dreams and what makes me happy. I am his biggest cheerleader but I never stop cheering myself on too.

My husband is married to his job first and me second and it sounds horrible and sad but neurosurgery is that lifestyle where that almost has to be first due to the high stakes nature of it. Accepting that was tough at first but now I know it just is what it is. I always remember: even though his job is #1 he still loves me more than his profession.

2. Perspective. He is not out at a bar at happy hour every night or staying out late going clubbing ( I feel old even typing the word clubbing ugh my 21 year old self hates me. I can't stay out past 10pm anymore!). He is stuck at work (a place I know he would rather be anywhere else but). He wants to be home but is putting his life on hold to save others. Surely spending Christmas in an OR instead of holding his new son crushes him and would never be a choice he would choose to make.

3. Patience for Patients. When he is at work he is doing and seeing scary, horrible, amazing, life changing things. Medicine really is a calling and they are changing someones life. What a blessing and a burden to have that challenge daily. I feel bad complaining about dishes in the sink when he comes home and tells me how he was able to help someone walk again. Sure I would have rather gone out to brunch with him but to that person who he was with that morning they are given another chance at a healthy life. He has received cards and letters thanking him and given many tear stained hugs to the patients who he was with last Friday until 3am or on Thanksgiving Day. He sacrifices his time so that people can enjoy theirs more.

3. SanctuaryI try give hime some space to decompress and relax. This is so hard for me! Typing this out is a reminder that I need to work on this more. I have my own counseling practice and take care of a young child so I am chronically exhausted and need some me time too (I get it). I want to make home a sanctuary where we both can relax and unwind. I get resentful and want him to talk to me about the bills, and upcoming event and play with our son and help around the house etc etc as soon as he walks through the door. But then I remember the insane hours he just worked and how he's worried about a patient he operated on being paralyzed or if his patient in the ICU is doing ok.

Doctors take their work home with them and never stop worrying. He needs just a few moments to himself just like I do or else I will completely lose my freaking mind. I want our house to be as drama free as possible and a place we both enjoy coming home to. Although with a 1 year old a nice, quiet house is an oxymoron these days hey we still try. Even just 15 minutes when he walks in the door to himself will go a long way.

4. Doing my own thing most days. I don't really plan things around him and just assume he will be stuck at work. I do what I want and what interests me and if he can join its a bonus. I see friends and go to concerts and hang out with our squishy toddler. We also have to physically pencil in (sharpie in?) on the family dry erase calendar hanging in the kitchen a date night once a week. Its really important to do something fun together and remember what its like to be us outside of Dr. and Mrs.

I will say I am not always positive at all. I am bitchy and resentful sometimes (maybe more than sometimes). I take it out on him and he takes it out on me, and thats not right. Eventually you just find your own groove and how to help each other though the tough times.

At then end of the day I love him and want to make his life worthwhile and fun and meaningful and I want to see him happy. I know he wants the same thing for me too. Really no matter what profession someone is in muutal respect and love can get you through anything :) We are in our 3rd year of being an attending, we met in med school and are still figuring out how to make it work but I know it has all been worth it.

One year of awesome

7.05.2016


You think I would start feeling like a real mom after a year. Its still surreal to me that I created this little human and that he's mine forevah. I sometimes look at him and ask "are you really mine"? 

This past year has been the most exhausting, stressful and fulfilling I have ever crossed off the calendar. Somehow we got blessed with the worlds worst sleeper (yay us) and he has not slept through the night once in 365 days. Somehow your body and mind just adjust and I was one who before kids needed like12 hours a night so thats saying a lot. I just got rid of any expectations and assume Ill never sleep again ha-that way Im never disappointed in the morning. 

But in all seriousness though I am very fortunate to have a healthy, happy little boy and if I have some broken sleep hey in the grand scheme of things whatever. Lots of my friends complain about time going so fast and how they wish their babies would stay little. I kind of look at it different though. Not every child is lucky enough to be able to celebrate another birthday and I am so happy to be able to watch time pass and see him grow right before my eyes. 

Here are a couple of my favorite pictures from our one year shoot. We got to do them in our kitchen and had a cooperative baby. I wish I could have a pro photographer follow us around every day I love how they turned out!

Bad hair day in the am shockingly looks good in this one!
He is my son! Loves cake
The look on his face!

One from earlier in the day to show what real life vs. edited photos is like



September Stitch Fix

9.12.2015

I'm finally coming out of the newborn fog since my little guy will be 3 months on Friday! Now that he's almost sleeping through the night (God bless America!) I've been taking more trips out of the house. I feel human again and turned to stitch fix for some cute new clothes. 

Sorry for the grump face pictures but I was able to get all this tried on while the baby was napping! Here's what I ended up with this month:

Market & Spruce Alan French terry asymmetrical zip cardigan. So soft and really cute for a light fall jacket. I like it both zipped and unzipped:





Market & Spruce Pacci Cowl Neck Serater. Very cozy and perfect for the cool fall days coming up:



Henry & Belle Paulie high waist skinny jean. Quite possibly the most comfortable jeans I've ever put on. And that's coming from a 3 month postpartum mom with some work on the middle to do! Long enough and so soft I'm in love:



Pixley Kendahl skirt. This is really cute but I had to suck in a bunch to get it on. Breathing might make this difficult to wear around ha. It's too bad because
I'm looking for more dressy pieces to wear to charity meetings and functions:



Lastly this fun2fun Broderick cut-out detail top. It was too tight and short on me but hey 3/5 isn't bad for this fix:



If you're wanting to try out a fix for yourself check out my referral link: https://www.stitchfix.com/referral/3436472








He's Here!

8.02.2015

Well he has actually been here for 6 weeks now. I'm finally coming out of the zombie sleep deprived mode and wanted to share a couple pictures. I have a fantastically talented friend who took some newborn shots for us and I am thrilled at how they turned out.

We were able to use his dads stethoscope and reflex hammer and incorporate it in these shots-so fun!

I found the cutest little scrub set when I first found out I was pregnant and seeing him in them was just the cutest thing ever :) Being a mom is by far the best thing I have ever done, every exhausting minute. The love you can have for this tiny little clone of you and your husband is beyond words.